There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize