With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are we still banned from the library?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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