My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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