dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
