I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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