There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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