at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.