he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is