I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!