Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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