I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
