Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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