she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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