All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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