Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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