Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We are all done wearing pants today
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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