I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
