I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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