a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
