so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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