just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
