I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
