he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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