1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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