Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
