Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this boner is exhausting
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
