Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
