I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
