dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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