I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
should my penis look like a turkey
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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