Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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