I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
