I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
