The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
