When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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