I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
