Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
