I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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