When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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