Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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