Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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