I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
