I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
