Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
