Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Who died my cat blue again?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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