Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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