I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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