There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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