too bad you live with your parents still
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
