Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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