It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
