Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
