yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
