Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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