Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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