Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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