Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
