This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
