I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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