did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
