evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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