Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
