Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
