I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
