All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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