wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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