I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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