I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize