When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
