Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
