My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize