I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
