im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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