So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
