Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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