Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
