be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
