Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
